Today I mark the last of many days spent on Myspace. In an on-going struggle and personal debate as to whether I really do wish to say good-bye. When I am not ready to stop announcing to the world my relationship status, when I am not ready to no longer have my face and those special to my heart adorned on my profile, it is hard to let go. It is hard to walk away and think you will not be able to announce your daily mood to your friends, or post good wishes in their comments. To a site that has caused me more grief than good why do I still find it hard to let go?

I listen to Rihanna today and feel as though I seek my own ‘drug’ and struggle with the hardest part of any drug. Not having it. I seek my own retreat and reward. I long to feel free, and alive. How will I feel when the drug is no longer there. When is my Rehab?

Life and my new favorite book have shown me a world in which I can feel set free. And, as I long to find this kind of peace I struggle as to how I am to get there. Life’s journey brings us to many different obstacles. I find that it requires great strength to climb a mountain out of a deep valley. Will and determination to seek higher, to seek light, to seek the Sun. And as I look back on my mole hills, mountains, valleys and stumbles I see a path that has led me to this day. Life was never promised to be easy. It was never promised to not hurt.

Is it possible to simply look at life’s trend, and to know from this deep valley, with a desire to seek peace, light is my reward?